Hi there. I got a question about sorrow, topical for today. Of course, we don’t want to feel bad about ourselves and complain, avoiding self-pity. But should we talk to God about what has been causing us sadness, or refocus on God and attempt to forget our sadness?
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This is a great question, one I have frequently pondered. Many saints, especially the mystics, experienced “spiritual dryness,” an intense sorrow when they were not yet with God in Heaven. However, this differs from the woes brought about by the various crosses we carry throughout the day.
The heart of this question is whether it is okay to repress one’s feelings, as we regard it as unhealthy in secular society. Like Oscar Wilde once quipped, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” Hiding your emotions is suitable when you do not want to feel things. Notwithstanding people with actual trauma or PTSD, trigger warnings would not be necessary today if most people could repress momentary discomfort in an academic setting or at the office. While ostensibly well-meaning and intentioned, PC culture can be tiring at best, infantilizing and hypocritical at worst.
Repressing too much can cause the pot to boil and the lid to pop off. It can intensify those emotions you do not want to feel, make you feel worse, and come out in destructive ways. This is often how the vicious cycle of sin begins and loops ad infinitum. In those instances, there are always healthy ways to express your feelings creatively, like writing, music, sports, or even fixing up a car.
Repression can be unhealthy. It can become habitual, which is why our society should encourage people to stay away from it more, not luxuriate in “victimhood.” Why? It leads to misery, the drug that causes one to chase the proverbial pity dragon. Western culture often conflates repression with being calm in the face of adversity. That is not repression. It is patience.
The Psalmist expressed his intense sorrow to God in Psalm 88. As Professor of Theology Leonard P. Maré writes in “Facing the deepest darkness of despair and abandonment: Psalm 88 and the life of faith“:
“The psalm shows that the experience of darkness also has its place in the life of faith. Psalm 88 reminds us that life does not always have happy endings. Suffering and loss are part and parcel of our human existence, even for people who are devoted to God.”
The Psalms are a great inspiration; every emotion is there ripe for reflection. This is not necessarily to say to do this as a form of seeking consolation from your sadness but to unite it with the cross. Also, ask God what is causing the emotion and what is His purpose for having you undergo it.
God gave us emotions. We always try to line them up with reason, but due to the Fall, we can’t always do that. You can always go to God with what you are feeling or experiencing. He is already aware of it, and He is doing it or permitting it for some reason. Christ in the Garden said He was sorrowful unto death, the Blessed Virgin sent up her tears to God, as did St Monica, and all these things bore fruit.
We sometimes need to “man up” and push through the emotions and not just tell everyone our hearts, but that does not mean we neglect or ignore our emotions. They exist for a reason and tell us something about ourselves. Christ does not just love us with His will or intellect but also with His Sacred Heart. So speak to God about what your heart experiences. Talk to God.
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For more, here’s a list of additional resources for meditation:
